“There are six things the Lord hates – no seven things he detests: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that kill the innocent, a heart that plots evil, feet that race to do wrong, a false witness who pours out lies, a person who sows discord in a family.” Proverbs 6:16-19 NLT

Backstabber defined

Urban Dictionary: “A person who pretends to be a friend, but then betrays you.”

Your Dictionary: “A traitor or hypocrite, such as a coworker or friend assumed trustworthy but figuratively attacks when one’s back is turned.”

Merriam Webster Dictionary: “Betrayal (as by a verbal attack against one not present) especially by a false friend. Synonyms: betrayal, business, disloyalty, double cross, faithlessness, falseness, infidelity, sellout, treachery, treason, two-timing, unfaithfulness.”

Beware of the Backstabber

Backstabber is a person you interact with, someone you know and knows you, close to you, in your inner circle. Can be a family member, friend, neighbor, boss, co-worker, church member, classmate, the one you least expect or suspect. Yup, that’s the one!

The backstabber pretends to like you but really don’t. He or she is not happy for you when good things happen to you. He or she is jealous and envy you for the most ridiculous reasons. Some of them even go as far as harming you. I have my flaws but one thing I know about me (that’s why it’s important to know yourself), I’ve never jealoused or envied anyone… period. I admire people and I’m genuinely happy for people when good things happen to them.

The truth is… Not everyone cares about you, likes you or is your friend. And that’s OKAY!!! Don’t lose sleep over this! Drop them and move on. But… but nothing! Read my lips… drop them and move on! Especially when God removes them. Yes, God does that, when He knows that the people around you are not good for you.

The truth is… God and Jesus love you and care about every detail in your life and that’s what really matter (Psalm 37:23-24 NLT). God’s and Jesus’ love is not influenced by who you are, how you look, your job title, where you live, what you wear, what you drive, how many FB friends you have, etc. etc.. Thank God! “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither present nor future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39 NIV

Worst backstabbing I’ve ever seen…

The O’Jays 1972 hit Back Stabbers’ lyrics still ring true today: “What they do. They smile in your face, all the time they wanna take your place the back stabbers (back stabbers).”

This story is hard for me to write because it’s about my beloved friend but God wants me to share it with you. As I write, I cry because it hurt then and it hurts now.

I’m going to make a long story short. My friend was a sweetheart, the life of the party, always smiling and laughing, one of the kindness nicest person’s I’ve ever met. She was a smart beautiful woman with a loving heart. We partied together, had lunches, hung out. Well, she got a promotion! Yeah! I was so happy for her because she deserved it.

My friend had a co-worker and supposedly a trusted friend. This “so called friend” was not happy for my friend because she felt that she should have gotten the promotion. This backstabber was so jealous of my friend that she committed the worst evil act I’ve ever known of. I won’t go into details. Anyway, because of this evil act, my friend suffered and died, and the backstabber got what she wanted, the promotion.

I remember a few months before my friend died we talked on the phone, I wanted to see her again. I’ll never forget her words, she said: “Deb, I know you love me and you want to come see me… but you can’t. I don’t want you to come here because you have a young child and I don’t want you exposed to the horrible things I’m going through. And I really don’t want you to see me like this.” She was crying and so was I. I cried, cried, cried…

Just like the song says, this backstabber was smiling in my friend’s face but all the time she wanted to take her place.

Jesus was backstabbed!

Jesus was backstabbed by people in His inner circle, two of His disciples. Peter denied Him three times and when he realized what he did, he bitterly wept (Luke 22:54-62). Then there is the most notorious backstabber in the Bible, Judas (Matthew 26:14-16, 47-50; 27:3-5). What was he thinking? What was in his heart? Was he motivated by greed, anger or was he an easy prey for satan? Perhaps it was all of those things combined with other things we don’t know. But what we do know is that Judas betrayed the Son of God, the Savior of the world. When Judas realized what he did, he felt remorse and tried to undo the evil he did. But it was irrevocable, so he committed suicide by hanging.

This shows that even when we have a relationship with God and Jesus, we can still go down the wrong path, make bad decisions and choices because we have free will. But then we will suffer the consequences. So, we can decide to be led by the Holy Spirit or not. You see, when you allow the Holy Spirit to guide you, He’ll ensure that God’s will is done and not yours. Galatians 5:16-18 NLT

Jesus knew beforehand that these two disciples were going to betray Him and He still continued to love them. This tells us that even when we mess-up, God and Jesus will continue to love us but that doesn’t mean that we will not pay a price for our actions. Remember, God loves the sinner, not the sin.

How to handle backstabbing?

I know many of you have stories of people you trusted who backstabbed you. They talked bad about you behind your back, put you down, turned their backs on you, lied about you, tried to hurt you and they kept silent when they should have spoken up for you or put in a good word for you, they threw you under the bus. When you found out of the betrayal, you were devastated, furious, angry, upset, sad, disappointed, hurt, confused… just feeling all kinds of ways. So how did you handle the backstabbing?

Straight up, revenge is not the answer because you don’t want to say or do anything you’ll regret later. It’s a total waste of time and energy. As my Mom would say, “Two wrongs don’t make a right.” So if you are dealing with this now, take a deep breath, stay cool, calm and collected, and sleep on it. Ask God, in Jesus’ name, for serenity and a peaceful and restful night. When you wake up, pray to God, in Jesus’ name, for wisdom, discernment, guidance, clarity, revelation and peace in handling the situation. Evaluate the gravity and the relationship. Then decide whether the relationship is worth keeping or dropping and move on. If you decide to cut the person out of your life but you still have to deal with him or her, keep your distance and only interact as needed.

No matter what you decide, don’t hate… forgive. You don’t want negative feelings to fester and harbor in your heart because it’s detrimental to your mental and physical health. Pray for yourself, ask God to remove all bad feelings and give you peace. And pray for the backstabber, ask God to change his/her heart. Then let go and let God!

Backstabber, let me talk to you for a minute….

Let me say this bluntly, you need Jesus! You hear me! Why are you doing this? What are you getting out of it? What’s your motive? Backstabbing is so wrong. Stop it! Do yourself a favor, look in the mirror, look straight into your eyes and ask yourself these questions: How would I feel if someone I trusted did this to me? What’s going on in me, in my life, that makes me do this? What’s in my heart, in my thoughts, that brings out this ugly side of me? What do I need to do to stop this malicious trait? Do I need to seek professional help?

The truth is… God sees your heart and knows what you are scheming. You can’t fool God! At the end, we all will answer to God. “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.” Galatians 6:7 NIV

The good news is that you can change, if you want to, with God’s help. Call on Jesus and He will help you! Psalm 46:1 Start with the golden rule “Treat others how you want to be treated.” “Do to others as you would like them to do to you.” Luke 6:31 NLT

The bottom line…

The truth is… God our Father and His Son Jesus Christ are the only ones you can always trust. They will never ever betray you! They will never backstab you!

Bible Reflection

“Doing wrong is fun for a fool, but living wisely brings pleasure to the sensible.” Proverbs 10:23 NLT

“A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separates the best of friends.” Proverbs 16:28 NLT

“Don’t say, “I will get even for this wrong.” Wait for the Lord to handle the matter.” Proverbs 20-22 NLT

“No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; And every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgement though shalt condemn.” Isaiah 54:8 KJV

“But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.” Mark 11:25 NLT

 “Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.” Romans 12:17-18 NLT

“You must make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” Colossians 3:13 NLT

“Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind.” 1 Peter 2:1 NIV

“My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” James 1:19 NIV

“For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic. For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.” James 4:15-16 NLT

From Deb’s Red Heart to yours…

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