Happily Single! Miserably Married? Hmmm… Let’s get right into it!

Happily Single!😊

Are there happily single people? Yes, there are happily single men and women. There are men and women who choose to be single. They are not ready, not interested or simply don’t want to marry. They love their independence, freedom to come and go as they please and not have to answer to anyone. These men and women have found joy, peace, fulfillment and purpose in other ways and are okay with being single. Caveat, not talking about single people in committed relationships, engaged or shacking-up.

People are single for many reasons

People are single for many reasons. They are career focused and this is enough for them or they have a large family and enjoy company but love being able to do whatever they want, whenever they want either alone or with others or do nothing at all. In some cases they are so stuck in their ways that they are not willing to compromise or change and don’t want anyone disrupting their world. Then there are people who never married or are widowed or divorced or have dated but it didn’t work out, and rather not go through the stress of dating, starting over again or going through another bad relationship, and are at peace with it.

Society has a way of putting pressure on single people, especially women, about getting married. People make you feel like if you are not married then there must be something wrong with you or that you are not complete or that you are missing out on something or that you can’t be possibly happy. My advice to the single person, “Be You! Do You!” Don’t feel pressured and don’t let anyone make you feel any kind of way. And to the people who keep pressuring and asking, “When are you getting married?” my advice to you, “Stop asking and mind your own business!” Okay!

Miserably Married? 🙁☹️

Are there miserably married couples? Yes there are. Sometimes after you are married you realize that you married the wrong person, that this is not the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, it is just not going to work. Most of the times these are two great people that are not great together. Marriage is not easy! Just think about it, two strangers trying to live together in harmony. If it’s hard living in harmony with your own family (parents, children, siblings), what makes you think it would be easy living in harmony with a stranger.

Two strangers trying to make marriage work

Here we have two strangers with different backgrounds, upbringings, customs, habits, set in their own ways trying to make marriage work. Sometimes they don’t mesh, they clash and they get on each other’s nerves over small and big things. You really have to make a deliberate conscious effort and decision to not only stay in the marriage but stay in it and make it work. This means you have to re-commit to loving and respecting each other no matter what, communicate, compromise, agree on the things that matter and agree to disagree on things that don’t really matter.

The truth is there are married couples who are miserably married. Married couples who fell out of love, no longer like each other, are living single lives and have grown apart. They don’t talk to each other, they can’t stand being around each other, they do nothing together and when at home, they avoid each other. But they decided to stay married, even though the marriage is clearly over, for many reasons, i.e., convenience, embarrassment, dependency, finances, health, kids, fear of being alone even though they are alone, fear to start over, fear of dating, fear of looking like a failure.

Happily Single! Miserably Married?

You can be happily single and miserably married. Or you can be miserably single and happily married. In my opinion, neither one is better than the other. Both have their pros and cons. They both can be great, satisfying and rewarding but it starts in you, the individual.

Make God #1

Who is #1 in your life? Who lives in your heart? Matthew 6:33 (NLT) says, “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” When you seek God first, when you make God #1 in your life then the love, joy and peace of Jesus will live in your heart through the Holy Spirit. Jesus will give you all you need to overcome trials, difficulties and obstacles, and to live a blessed, fulfilled and purposeful life. You will live the life Jesus promised, “The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.” John 10:10 (NLT)

When you are married and you seek God first and make Him #1 in your life and in your marriage then love, joy, peace, faith, respect, commitment, trust, loyalty, integrity, patience, kindness and friendship will reign in your marriage. Marriage is not easy but when God is #1, Jesus will give you all you need so that you want to love and respect each other, you want to stay together, you want to make it work, you want to please each other, you want to take care of each other and you are willing to compromise. Together you will rise above adversity and live in harmony.

So, if you are miserably single and miserably married, there is one way to turn this around and be happily single and happily married… make God #1!

You can be happy whether you’re single or married when God is #1 in your life and in your marriage!

Happiness Starts in YOU!

Loving you, knowing you, accepting you, feeling comfortable in your own skin and enjoying being with yourself is integral to your happiness whether you are single or married. So, to be happily single or happily married really starts in you. I encourage you to put into practice what Paul said in Philippians 4:11-13 (NIV), “… I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation…”

Bible Reflection

“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.” 1 Corinthians 7:3 NIV

“I wish everyone could get along without marrying, just as I do. But we are not all the same. God gives some the gift of marriage, and to others he gives the gift of singleness. Now I say to those who aren’t married and to widows – it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than burn with lust.” 1 Corinthians 7:7-9 NLT

“I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs – how he can please the Lord. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit.” 1 Corinthians 7:32, 34 NIV

“Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.” Hebrews 13:4 NLT

From Deb’s  to yours…

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