YOU WILL MAKE IT through the end of the year. That’s my message to women. I’m warning everybody upfront that this message is going to make you feel a little uncomfortable… and that’s okay. Because there are things we don’t talk about that we should be talking about. But like every message I write, there is always good news. And the good news is, YOU WILL MAKE IT!
This time of the year is not a happy time for many
Let me start by saying that everybody is not happy, especially this time of the year. It is not a happy time for many women and men because this is the time of the year people do a lot of thinking. People think about what they don’t have and not what they have, about the things they hoped for that didn’t happen. And all that thinking stirs up all kinds of emotions.
For the past days I’ve been thinking about you, single women (never dated, dated but not in a relationship now, divorced, widowed) and women who are in relationships and want to get married. This been weighing heavy on my heart because I’ve been there and I know how you feel, especially at this time of the year. Girlfriend, I feel for you and I’ve been praying for you. But one thing I know, YOU WILL MAKE IT!
This is a time for family and friends to understand how you feel
God blessed each one of us with gifts. To be honest, I thought that there were certain gifts everybody had but over the years I realized that’s not the case. Empathy is one of those gifts everybody does not have. Well, I have it. Per Google Dictionary, “Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.” Some people just can’t do that.
Anyway, if you don’t have the gift of empathy, I ask you for just a moment to put yourself in these women’s place. I’m not asking you to feel sorry for them. What I’m asking you to be is supportive, sensitive, mindful and considerate towards them.
Take this time to understand how your great grandma, grandma, mom, sister, daughter, aunt, niece, cousin, and girlfriend really feel inside even though they don’t show it on the outside. You see them coming and going and doing, and you think everything is okay but everything is not okay. These women have feelings, they have needs and they have dreams just like you. Many of them want to feel special, respected and loved by a man. They want a companion.
The year is ending and you’re alone or not married
I know this is a difficult time for single women. When the year started you prayed and asked God to send you a man. Now, the year is coming to an end and you’re alone. And the pandemic has made matters worse.
Or you’ve been with your man for a while and you were hoping that this year he’d pop the question… nothing yet.
This is the reality these women are facing and it hurts so bad. They don’t show their heartbreak to the world. But at night when they go to bed they think about it and cry themselves to sleep. I want you who is feeling this way to know that God sees you and He knows and feels your hurt.
But although difficult, “YOU WILL MAKE IT” through the end of the year. Hold on tight to love, faith and hope for the coming year.
Most women want to get married
Here’s the thing… Ethnicity, race, age, looks, financial status, profession, degrees or no degrees, career driven or not, does not matter because at the end of the day what most women want (and there are exceptions) is to get married, and stay married. But here’s the challenge… women have no control over this happening or not. Because it takes two to tangle. Women first have to get the man, then hope he wants to marry them. Unfortunately, that’s the way it works. And when these things do not happen when a woman feels they should, it’s heartbreaking, stressful and devastating for many. And this time of the year just triggers these emotions.
Men, let’s talk…
Guys, if you have been in a long time relationship with a woman, most likely she wants to marry. She’s just not telling you because she is embarrassed, afraid of your reaction or that you might leave her. Her having to wait until you are “ready” is really messed-up. Or maybe you have no intentions of ever marrying her. I’ve heard men say, “We’re doing just fine just the way we are. Why mess things up? You know I love you!” You may be fine with having your cake and eating it too, but she’s not.
This is why it’s so important for women to have a conversation at the beginning of a relationship before getting emotionally and physically entangled because once entangled it’s hard to let the man go. It’s easier for men to move on but not for women. That’s why it’s important for women to guard themselves. I’m just keeping it real.
Women should know where they stand so they can decide whether or not they want to invest time and feelings in a relationship that may not go anywhere or in the direction they’d like it to go. But too, women sometimes know where they stand but take a chance hoping that the man will change his mind down the road. He may or may not. I’ve seen it happen both ways. Look, there is a lot to say about this but we can’t cover everything here because it is complicated.
Family and friends, let’s talk…
Family and friends, we know you care for the single women in your lives but sometimes you put pressure on them with the constant reminders about things they already know and are keeping track of. They don’t need you to remind them of their marital status, biological clock or making them feel the train is leaving them and the constant questioning. What they need is your support.
Here is the thing, after a young woman graduates out of high school, she already feels the pressure, especially when her girlfriends start marrying and she does not even have a boyfriend. Okay.
Parents want their daughters to meet good men and get married. They sure do. And when they don’t see things happening, they feel bad for their daughters and try to support and console them in any way they can. But then family, i.e., grandparents, parents, siblings, and relatives keep the pressure on and feel they can ask anything even when insensitive… “You haven’t found a man yet? When are you getting married? What are you waiting on to marry?” And sometimes family make you feel like there is something wrong with you, when there is nothing wrong with you. There are some things that are out of your control and this happens to be one of those things.
Women who married their high school sweethearts or married in their 20s sometimes don’t know or understand or can relate to how their girlfriends who are still alone or not married feel. And women who married later sometimes forget how it feels. So, they talk all the time, every time about their husbands. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, but please put yourself in your girlfriend’s place just for a minute. How do you think she feels? When was the last time you asked her how she feels?
Or every time you meet-up with friends, the first thing they ask, are you dating? “Ahhh no but I’m good.” Look, if your girlfriend is dating, she will let you know when she is ready to let you know. Or friends say, “So when are you and so and so getting married? Y’all been dating for a long time!” What answer do you give when you don’t have one.
I’m saying it again…
As I said at the beginning, don’t feel sorry for these women. Be supportive and sensitive towards them and stop saying and asking insensitive things and putting them on the spot. This is why single women at times don’t go to family gatherings or cut back on hanging out with friends.
So what to do while you’re waiting?
Lean on God
The truth is, some women will meet a man, others will not. And some women will marry and others will not. So what to do while you’re waiting for things to happen or if things don’t happen? The first thing to do is to lean on God. There are just some things you have no control over and you have to put it in God’s hands.
When I didn’t know how things were going to turn out for me, I didn’t lean on God. In those days I knew of God but didn’t know Him. I didn’t have a personal relationship with Him. So instead of leaning on God, I was leaning on me. I was trying to figure things out on my own, not knowing that God already had everything planned and lined-up for me.
I’m telling you that when you lean on God, He will take care of you. He will give you everything you need (and more), when you need it because He loves you. He will give you the kind of peace that surpasses all understanding and you will feel an inexplicable joy, no matter how things turn out.
The truth is, if things don’t turn out the way you’d like, let’s say, you wind up by yourself or not married, only God can help you through this. Honestly, I don’t know how people get through certain things without God’s help. And guess what? You will be content with your life. Only God can do this! He will do this for you when you put your trust in Him. God will put people and things in your life that will fulfill your life
Be led by the Spirit and not by your emotions
Yeah, you will have moments of fear, sadness or depression but those feelings will not last long because God is with you. He will turn those feelings around and make you feel better. You will feel His love and comfort surrounding you all the time.
When you surrender all to God, the Holy Spirit will lead you and not your emotions. But for this to happen, you have to let go and let God.
Life is not perfect but we can make the best of every situation and live our best life. With the help of the Spirit, YOU WILL MAKE IT!
Keep love, faith and hope alive!
There are good men out there and if God has one for you, you will be together. Sometimes when you’re not looking that’s when you’re found. I know this personally. Lol!
So take your eyes off you, and put it on Jesus, He will keep your love, faith and hope alive.
Keep your mind busy and filled with good stuff
The devil loves to prey on idle minds. He creeps into your head and fills it up with all kinds of bad stuff. He tries to make you feel down, worthless and hopeless. That’s why you need to keep your mind on Jesus. The Holy Spirit will fill your mind with positive, encouraging, uplifting and hopeful stuff so there is no room for the devil. The devil never gives up and he will keep trying to get into your head but he will not succeed if its’ filled with good stuff.
Ways to fill your mind with good stuff… Pray and talk with God. Read your Bible. Read positive, inspiring, encouraging and uplifting books. Watch and listen to things with positive content. Expose your mind to things that will enrich all aspects of your life.
Helping others is always a good thing and feels good too. It feels good to know that you’ve made a positive difference in someone’s life. When you help others, you are thinking about them and their needs; therefore, you are not thinking about you and what you don’t have. So take the spotlight off you and put it on someone else.
Talk to someone
I say this all the time, talk to someone, please. Talking is good and it really helps. Find someone you trust to talk to. When you talk and get things off your mind, you will feel so much better. And seek professional help if you need it. These professionals are trained and have the tools to help you feel better.
Live! Enjoy Your Life!
Girlfriend, whether you have a man or not, married or not, LIVE!!! Enjoy your life! Take care of you, from head to toes. Pamper yourself. Find fun things to do and enjoy your life! Don’t sit around feeling sorry for yourself, worrying about things you can’t control. There are things you can control, like enjoying your life, so get up, get out and do just that.
Although this time is difficult, “YOU WILL MAKE IT” through the end of the year. With God’s help! Live! Enjoy your life!
“God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble.” Psalm 46:1 NLT
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV
“So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives.” Galatians 5:16; 25 NIV
“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present you’re your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:4-7 NIV
“And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Philippians 4:8 NLT
“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all things through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:12-13 NIV
“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NIV
YOU WILL MAKE IT!!!
Say & Believe this powerful message: “Greater is Jesus in Me!”
From Deb’s to yours…
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